When will I ever learn? I mean, seriously, half a century old and I really should know better. But here I am in Dave’s Hot Chicken, a TikTok-famous Shaftesbury Avenue restaurant, so overwhelmed by chilli heat that I can barely breathe, let alone chew.

Sweat soaks my brow, tears stream down my face and my heart thumps like a Berlin techno beat. Even thinking hurts. At one point, I fear for my very life, as my vision blurs, my body shudders, and my whole being is enveloped in an infernal inferno. For this is no mere chicken tender, rather deep-fried devastation, and proof, if proof be needed, that there’s no fool like an old one.

OK, so the fact that I had to sign a disclaimer might have put me off. ‘Due to its extremely spicy nature, Dave’s Hot Chicken Reaper is an extreme test of a person’s physical and mental limits,’ warns the blurb, noting that it can lead ‘to chest pain, palpitions, heart attack and stroke’.

‘Yeah, yeah, whatever,’

I thought, as I signed with a manly swagger, ‘same old marketing hyperbole.’ I’d eaten the XXX Hot chicken at Prince’s Hot Chicken in Nashville, where this great dish was born, and survived. This sure ain’t my first rodeo.

When Dave’s Hot Chicken first opened, the line snaked down Shaftesbury Avenue. My son happily queued two hours for just one bite. The wait is now no more than a few minutes, the fickle hordes having long moved on to the next hot thing. Heat levels range from No Spice to Reaper, while the room itself is bright, brash and cheery. I try an Extra Hot Slider, the fried chicken stuffed into a soft bun with good pickles and slaw. The crust is crisp, the flesh succulent, the heat pronounced but not brutal. Although I wouldn’t look too deeply into the bird’s provenance, it’s a decent hot chicken sandwich.

Then there’s that Reaper tender, sitting on a slice of cheap white bread (as is the Nashville way), stained blood-red with Reaper chilli powder, the colour of pain, suffering and devastation. One bite is all it takes, and there is no pleasure here, just pain. I ate it, so you don’t have to. To misquote those ancient acid rockers Blue Öyster Cult: do fear the Reaper.

About £15 per head. Dave’s Hot Chicken, Vernon House, 40 Shaftesbury Avenue, London W1; daveshotchickenuk.com

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‘I am so overwhelmed by chilli heat I can barely breathe.’ TOM PARKER BOWLES tries a TikTok viral chicken shop in London and finds ‘no pleasure, just pain’